Beauty is as beauty lies.

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White House Communications Director, Nicolle Wallace, leftand Senator Kit Bond, (R. -- Missouri)far right

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White House Communications Director Nicolle Wallace was on Hardball doing the dirty work of the White House. It was a remarkable performance and it should be an inspiration to any telegenic young person who has no regard for the truth.

There are no limits to the heights such a person can reach, especially if she is a comely blonde with blue eyes, and well-straightened teeth. It is hard to reconcile such an attractive appearance with such a mendacious attitude towards reality.

With Scott McClellan lying low, Ari Fleischer gone (but still a person of interest to the Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald in Plamegate) and the Vice President cowering in an undisclosed location, Ms. Wallace is doing the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Lest I be accused of being sexist, I hasten to point out that Senator Kit Bond, (R -Missouri) followed her and he was just as faithful to the Republican script. No ingénue he, he was equally disingenuous. Bond, whose name itself betokens faithfulness, had a wizened, wide-eyed, down-home look of a sixth generation hard-scrapple man of the Puke State.

It occurred to me that ‘wide-eyed’ and ‘bald-faced’ could both be used to describe this lying bastard. It made me want to puke.

Tony Roberts, the motivational speaker, describes how to deal with the nay-saying self-talk that sometimes holds people back from accomplishing more. He suggests that you imagine the inner voice as Daffy Duck’s.

In that spirit and as a public service, I offer herewith a selection of whopper’s from Chris Matthews’ show, together with Big Mitch’s comments in bold. Please imagine each delivered in the goofy voice of your choice by one of the individuals pictured above.

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WALLACE: It is a blatant lie to assert that somehow the president misled people. The French—and you tell me the last time the French, the U.N., the Russians, the Brits and the Americans, a Democrat administration and a Republican administration, all agreed on something? They all agreed, Chris, that Saddam Hussein had WMD.


Are you smoking crack? The French, the U.N., and the Russian were not in favor of going to war, and they denounced the American effort to deceive them. The Democrat administration did not, as far as I can recall support going to war to remove Saddam’s WMD. The Brits were saying in their private meetings that:

“For the P5 [the permanent members of the Security Council] and the majority of the Council to take the view that Iraq was in breach of [Security Council Resolution] 687: “they would need to be convinced that Iraq was in breach of its obligations regarding WMD, and ballistic missiles. Such proof would need to be incontrovertible and of large-scale activity. Current intelligence is insufficiently robus [sic] to meet this criterion.”


The issue wasn’t whether or not Iraq had WMD at some time in the past. The issue was whether or not the regime of inspections and no-fly zones sufficiently restrained Sadam from posing a danger. On that question, the world was unanimous in its belief that the answer was “Yes!” Unanimous, that is except for the neo-cons in the White House.

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MATTHEWS: You know, sometimes I have to admire people for the strangest reasons. Vice President Cheney is absolutely fearless to take on an issue, which is so unpopular on its face. I mean, nobody wants to be out there it seems as the case advocate for torture as an option. And, yet, he has gone out there and done it. How did he get this job?

WALLACE: Well, I agree with you on one thing, the vice president is fearless in his defense of this country, and he is fearless in the case that he will make to protect America.

Oh-my-God! I think I am going to laugh myself sick! Dick Cheney, of recent undisclosed location fame, formerly known for skipping military service during one of the wars he favored because he “had other priorities”—this is the fearless Dick?

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MATTHEWS: But, what is wrong with outlawing cruel and degrading treatment of prisoners?

WALLACE: Well, you know, again you are talking about the specific language of Senator McCain‘s amendment. And, you know, I have enough respect for Senator McCain to leave his debate and his policy discussions something private that doesn‘t get debated on TV.


Har-Har-Hardy-Har-Har! Far be it from this White House to disagree publicly with people. Perish the thought! After all, this President used his Veteran’s Day address to troops to criticize and impugn the patriotism of anyone who disagreed with him, naming Democrats by name. You may say, “yes, but they respect Senator McCain.” Just remember: This is the crowd that said that John McCain had become mentally unstable as a result of the torture he endured in Viet Nam while Bush was busy not taking flight physicals. Maybe they had a point, considering the fact that McCain refused to denounce Karl Rove, who organized a whispering campaign to promote the idea that he had fathered an illegitimate black baby.

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WALLACE [regarding torture]: And I point out, and not enough attention is paid to this, Chris, when people operate outside the laws, when people are found to have treated inmates or prisoners in a way that is outside our laws, they are prosecuted and they are held to account.


Just ask Pfc. Lynndie England. She’ll tell you that all of the people responsible for the Abu Ghraib have been brought to the bar of justice.
Or maybe she won’t because (according to the school psychologist where she grew up) from the time she was in kindergarten, she struggled with pronounced learning disabilities made worse by a lack of oxygen when she was born and a severe speech impairment.
That would explain why Lynndie England can’t name person above the rank of E-4 that was brought to trial. But why can’t Wallace?
Actually, there is a sense in which Ms. Wallace’s statement is accurate. Recall that the President said in South America that “anything we do is legal.” That being the case, nothing is illegal, and therefore no one can operate outside the laws, and therefore no one needs to be prosecuted. Q.E.D.

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MATTHEWS: This is the time to think about how we eventually get out of there [Iraq], not why we got in.

WALLACE: And not just, Chris, not how we get out of there, but how we win. The American people...

MATTHEWS: … What do you think winning is over there?

WALLACE: Well, I think that we see it every day. …

But, I think we went from five battle-ready battalions to 91 in the last about 13, 14 months. And the debate in America gets boiled down to, are there - was there one battalion that can fight without the support or three.

Do you think we’re stupid? Or do you think that we forgot that the commander of coalition forces in Iraq, Gen. George Casey, told the Senate Armed Services Committee on September 29th that the number of battle-ready battalions in the Iraq military had dropped from three to one since the last time he testified, three months earlier?

Somehow the Iraqi’s picked up 90 battle-ready battalions in the last month and a half. Stranger things have happened, but none come readily to mind. That’s about 63,000 troops, about the number of men in all of Anchorage. Where did they come from? And how did they still have men left over to perform suicide bombings in Jordan?

Let’s see if Kit Bond can lie any more convincingly.

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MATTHEWS: Well, you know, 58 percent of the American people think the president deliberately misled them on pre-war intelligence. Doesn‘t that doubt, that skepticism, which seems to be growing every week, because of the problems with the war itself have to be addressed?

BOND: Unfortunately, our intelligence findings in the Senate Intelligence Committee, unanimously adopted by Democrats and Republicans, that said there was no pressure, no change.

The intelligence was what it was at the time. The Silverman-Robb report said the same thing.

Objection! Non-responsive, and you’re ugly, too! The question asked about the President deliberately misleading the American public. The Senate Intelligence Committee, and the Silverman-Robb report said that the President’s information was not very good. Harry Reid had to send the Senate into closed session in order to force the Republicans to investigate whether or not Bush just made shit up to get us into a war. Now why would that be? Because the Republican controlled committee decided that we didn’t need to know the answer to that question before the 2004 election. At least they promised to investigate the President’s deception after the election. And now that they have been called on it, they are going to have to keep that promise before the 2006 election. Or will they?

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MATTHEWS: Why did the vice president get a trip—when I asked Tenet, why didn‘t the vice president get a report back on a trip that his question had triggered, he says ask the vice president. There is something queer about this thing. Why doesn‘t the vice president get a report back if it was his question about the uranium deal in Africa that led to Joe Wallace‘s trip?

Why didn‘t the CIA go back and say, well here Mr. Vice president, it turns out there is something to it, there is some kind of deal under works there? Why didn‘t he ever get that information back? I don‘t get it.

BOND: Well, I can‘t tell you what the CIA thought about. …


Shirley you jest! You’re a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee, you’re shilling this B.S. position that we don’t need an investigation to find out if W knew that he was lying when he made the State of the Union address, and you can’t tell us whether or not Joe Wilson’s findings made it to the White House? You’re too ugly to tell a lie like that.


... and tell 'em Big Mitch sent ya!